inBloom

Lo-lo-lo-lo-Lola

It’s been one week since we lost our sweet girl, Lola.  We found out at the end of last year that she had lymphoma.  After a lot of research I knew we didn’t have much time with her, but I never thought we’d lose her after just three short months.  She was only four years old.

Asa and Lola were best friends.  He adored her more than anything, and I am so thankful that they got along so well.  She was more than twice his size, but she never intimidated him.  He would climb all over her, in fact, I think Asa thought she was his own personal pony. 

How do you explain to an eighteen month old that he will never see his best friend again? This morning Asa saw a photo of Lola and immediately started to call her name. 

“Lola, good girl!”  “Good girl!”

I kissed his head, feeling the sting of her loss once again.  “Good girl went bye-bye.”  “Say, bye-bye good girl.”

Asa shook his head.  “No, bye-bye.”

“Then where did she go”, I asked.  I’m not sure where I was going with that, but the words just came out of my mouth.  Asa pointed to the ceiling, and looked up.  “Up”, he said….smiling.

Maybe he knows something I don’t about where dogs go when they die…and if that is true, then I look forward to her running up to me someday in heaven and getting my pants all slobbery wet.

We love and miss you, Baby Girl.

InBloom Vol. 1

As I shared a few posts down, before I deleted my old blog I decided to make it into a book.  There were so many stories and photos that I didn’t have recorded anywhere else.  I wanted to remember them. 

I honestly didn't know where to begin with this process so I just googled it.  A couple of sites caught my eye, but I ultimately chose Blurb to create my book.  I had to share a few photos because I was so happy with the way it turned out.

 

Oh. My. Goodness.  I love it so much!  It came in the mail the other day and I immediately opened it and started to flip through the pages, my two older boys peeking over my shoulders to enjoy it with me.

I began to read them some pages out loud.  They loved looking at my photos and scrapbook pages.  They kept begging me to read more stories that involved each of them.  Half way through, I almost started to cry:

Tuesday. February 06, 2007. 3:37 pm.  A post titled -  Tid-Bits and Baby Faces. 

I begin to list a few little “tid-bits” about Asher.  “He hates to be changed.”  “He has the sweetest and funniest baby faces.”  “Asher nurses like a pro and loves to eat.”  “He gets the hiccups all the time.”  “He loves to be held and snuggled.”  There are a few photos of his funny little, smooshie baby face.  And I end with, “I am the luckiest mom alive.”

*sigh

I tell my boys I love them multiple times a day. I make them meals, check their homework, clean up after their messes, pray for them, play with them, kiss their boo-boos, snuggle them to pieces, and encourage their hearts on a daily basis.  But what a gift for them to read one day in print that, in that moment, I felt like the luckiest mom in the world.  My hope is that they know, without a doubt, that nothing could ever make me love them any less than I do right now…but if they ever question my love for them, it’s printed forever, for all to read.  My only regret is not journaling the last couple of years.  I feel like I’ve missed so much already. 

I only ordered one book, but I am thinking about printing out a few more copies so that each of my children can have one.  If you blog your sweet, everyday, extraordinary, precious day-to-day moments, I highly encourage you to consider making your online journal into a book too.

A Guilt Free Lazy Tuesday Well Spent.

My house is still a complete wreck from the holidays.  I did absolutely nothing today, except this:

...and it was divine.

It's not really a big secret, but...

I want to get one thing clear right from the start. 

I am a mess.

A big, beautiful, sloppy, hot, messy mess.  In fact, I {re}started this blog because of the big ol’ mess that I am.  Before I deleted my old blog, I had a book made of all my posts so that they wouldn’t be lost forever.  As I was compiling all my old journal entries, I started to read them.  As horrified as I was by some of the things I told the internet, I was also humbled and challenged by some of my thoughts and insights.  Not that I was some wise twenty-something beyond my years. I wasn’t.  Seven years later and I’m not even a semi-wise thirty-something within my years.  I was, however, out of my head.  Writing my thoughts down, letting them flow out of me rather than keeping them inside. Big or small, profound or insignificant - details of my life…they were being processed out loud for the internet to see…and it helped me grow.  And think.  And learn, and challenge myself, and create, and laugh, and meet new friends…and it helped me get out of my head.  I so have a problem with that.

I’d like to be less of a mess…

So…I might share yummy recipes, post photos of my three handsome boys, share the fun details of our family adventures, create art, vent about my latest Pintrest fail, daydream out loud about all of the ideas I have to fix up my home, or open up about how the Lord is moving in my life, but I am a mess. 

Let’s be messy together, shall we?

Joy.

Quite a few years ago I followed in the footsteps of many others and nixed new years resolutions.  Instead, I focused on “one little word” that would encompass my vision for the year.  I haven’t done it for a while, but this year I decided to start again.  It was an easy decision because my one little word came to me before I even knew I wanted one.

 Joy.

 “Now may the God of hope fill you with all the joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  -Romans 15:13

 “You make known to me the path of life; your presence is fullness of joy; in your right hand there are pleasures forever.” -Psalm 16:11

 “…Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” –Nehemiah 8:10

 The dictionary defines joy as “the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires”.  But the Bible defines joy as the presence of God, as strength, as hope.  It defines joy as an essential part of life – a fruit of the Spirit.  The joy of the Bible is the joy I am seeking this year.  It is not a human emotion. It is a divine gift. 

 If His presence is fullness of joy, then I want to be overcome with it.

inBloom.

There are no ordinary moments. That is what the sidebar read.  Along with a brief description of who I was...who I am.  A follower of Jesus.  A wife and mother. A photographer. Lover of natural light, yellow and green, warm sunshine, belly laughs, pretty things, dark chocolate, and bare feet.  Living and dreaming in the Midwest.

It took me less than five minutes to delete over six years of online journaling...but it was time.  Time to move on. Time to start fresh.  

So here I am. 

Moving on. Starting fresh.

When I started my blog over seven years ago I carefully chose the name InBloom.  It was cute, yes, but it also held meaning and promise.  As I contemplated a name change for this "fresh start" nothing really jumped out at me...and I kept coming back to the beginning.  "How can I start fresh with the same name?" I continued my list, all catchy and creative, none as intentional. 

 

inBloom.

 

A vision given to me by my creator.  A promise of growth, beauty, creativity, change.  A gentle reminder that I am wonderfully made…with purpose and with love.  Perfectly imperfect in every way.  

Cheers to starting anew.